我躺在這裡

那是一个很偶然的夜晚，我躺在床上许久都无法入睡~ 感觉身体很热，我想我应该是有点发烧吧！天晓得我那么“聪明”……竟然还喝了杯 vitamin C…… 原以为能退烧些，谁知反而令我更精神…… 更无法入眠！

我在屋子里四处徘徊，姐姐说我很烦~ 就拿了本书给我看。她说里面有一片散文令她想起刚去世不久的公公……我翻了翻，那本书是来自台湾的一位名作家--

葛大为 的 《如果可以，我只想告訴你快樂的事》。




姐姐介绍我看得是里头的其中一篇--


**
一生懸命 之「我躺在這裡」

謝謝你們來看我。
但如果我現在很醜的話請忘記我這個樣子。可不可以只記得我帥氣的模樣呢？
我躺在這裡。你們說我睡了。
但其實我一點知覺也沒有。
你們對我說的話我都聽不見。
我也沒有變成天使什麼的。
我只是躺在這裡。
等著你們讓我的肉體消失。
過陣子再清空記憶體。挖得乾乾淨淨。
但畢竟我該感謝你們專程看我。
穿著你們認為哀戚的服裝。
跟我平常認識的你們不一樣。

因為已經躺在這裡了，其實對很多事情我已經沒什麼決定權。
就當我碎碎念吧。
如果不是有人密報你們的話。
你們也不知道我躺在這裡。
甚至不知道我消失了。
然後依然每天過著你們的生活。
我覺得這樣比較好。何苦來這裡哭喪著臉。
只是因為你知情我的離去。
你們來看我慢慢腐壞發臭的過程，
實在違背我愛面子的本性。
何況你們其中也不是每個人我都想見到啊。
誰叫你們把我初戀情人叫來的，我們現在不熟耶。
誰叫你們把我國中老師找來的，我躺在這裡連招呼都不能跟他打。
誰叫你們找了個和尚用臺語念經給我聽，我聽不懂啊。
你們還找了一堆我很不熟的人站在旁邊，你們忘記我怕生嗎？

你們怎麼高興就怎麼著吧。
反正我終於走到這一天任由你們擺佈了。
活著的時候也整你們整很久了，現在我無所謂啦。
反正別他媽的到處去說你夢到我了。我不會託夢的。
或是說，如果我還在一定會怎麼怎麼想，抱歉我也很善變的。
不要用我的名義，行瞞騙自己之實了。
我躺在這裡，已經不是自己。已經沒有意識。
不用對我哭。不用跟我對話。我現在只是一塊不會動不會想不會憤怒的肉。
我也沒有去到什麼另一個世界。
如果真的要去到哪裡的話，我不是會遇到一堆祖先跟恐龍還有三葉蟲嗎。
但我不知道要怎麼跟他們聊天。所以別詛咒我了。

我躺在這裡。謝謝你們來。雖然我很討厭你們來。
沒事了就趕快走吧。去幫我多喝一杯吧。
**



…………读完了，有种感觉就是~ 这作者把往生者的心情形容的好贴切~
……当我在读的同时，公公临终前及葬礼当天的画面又从回到我的脑海里~




公公已经没有躺在哪里，他化成灰，回归尘土，脱离苦难 ~ ❤ ~

The Chant of Metta

Share this chant of metta with u all~ metta is a Pali word, means Loving Kidness. Metta chanting is the radiation of loving-kindness towards all beings: May they all be happy and peaceful. =)



##
May I be free from enmity and danger
May I be free from mental suffering
May I be free from physical suffering

May I take care of myself happily
May my parents,teachers, relatives and friends
fellow Dhammafarers
be free from enmity and danger
be free from mental suffering
be free from physical suffering
May they take care of themselves happily

May all yogis in this compund
be free from enmity and danger
be free from mental suffering
be from physical suffering
May they take care of themselves happily

May all monks in this compound
novice monks
laymen and laywomen disciples
be free from enmity and danger
be free from mental suffering
be free from physical suffering
May they take care of themselves happily




May our donors of the four supports
be free from enmity and danger
be free from mental suffering
be free from physical suffering
May they take care of themselves happily

May our guardian devas
in this monastery
in this dwelling
in this compound
may the guardian devas
be free from enmity and danger
be free from mental suffering
be free from physical suffering
May they take care of themselves happily

May all beings
all breathing things
all creatures
all individuals
all personalities
may all females
all males
all noble one
all worldings
all deities
all humans
all those in the four woeful planes
be free from enmity and danger
be free from mental suffering
be free from physical suffering
May they take care of themselves happily



May all beings be free from suffering
May whatever they have gained not be lost
All beings are owners of their kamma

In the eastern direction
in the western direction
in the northern direction
in the southern direction
in the southeast direction
in the northwest direction
in the northeast direction
in the southwest direction
in the direction below
in the direction above

May all beings
all breathing things
all creatures
all individuals
all personalities



May all females
all males
all noble one
all worldings
all deities
all humans
all those in the four woeful planes

be free from enmity and danger
be free from mental suffering
be free from physical suffering
May they take care of themselves happily

May all beings be free from suffering
May whatever they have gained not be lost
All beings are owners of their kamma

As far as the highest plane of existence
to as far down as the lowest plane
in the entire universe
whatever beings that move on earth
may they be free from mental suffering & enmity
and from physical suffering and danger ##



** May all bad things end **

离岛

喜欢这首歌，一直在我脑海中盘旋 :)

唱着游子离乡的心情~

##......
背着梦想 也带着挥不去的牵挂
风啊 风 把我带到这地方
蓝色的记忆还留在我海上的家

轻轻躺在这城市的中央
宁静的夜晚眼角泪未干
坠落在被月色抚摸的窗台上

走啊 走 前往梦想的路上
每次感觉孤单看着月儿弯
仿佛笑着说你要勇敢别害怕.......##


离岛
唱：龚柯允
词：黄明志
曲：张捷惟



出自黄明志的创作呢~ 其实他最近有为《8.8台灣水災》写了一首歌叫“还有我”来筹款，筹得了RM300,000.00!! 若对他的印象还停留在那唱“Negarakuku”之类的rap歌的黄明志，是时候改观了~ 他一直都有在为好友龚柯允作词，最近梁智强导的《吓到笑》的主题曲及片尾曲也是他的创作。他在自己的部落格《我的名字叫明志》里形容自己~“靠販賣智慧財產為生...” 哈...个人欣赏“贩卖智慧”的人 :)

再多一个星期就能回家了~ :D

Be Energetic :)

Since yesterday, after Advanced Financial Accounting aka AFA exam, many ppl wrote or said.... "die". Really die? Bcoz of the result? Mayb...bad result in Uni sometimes equal to bad future.

I din do well in AFA exam too. When Mr.Marlehan said :"ok students, stop writing plz~". The 1st thing comes to my mind was : "Can u plz giv me 30 minutes more?!" (Another long story about the worst final I hv so far =( ) My AFA coursework marks is the lowest marks I hv throughout my UTAR life. I juz feel like....OMG...

But, I never think that I'll fail nor resit. No die word appears on my mind. NO! Mayb i'm the kind of ppl that believe in miracle?? Erm...sometimes...but not 100%. Actually I believe in reality, the more efforts u put on it, the more u gain in turn. Yes, my AFA cw marks was horribly low... and yes I felt sooooooooooo sad. Then after that? It doesn't really means that I'll get the same low grade in final too. Fight till the end.

In these few days, every utarian feel like staying in the hell... everyone moody after the exam... oh~ but plz don forget tat u r not the only one who r suffering in tension, stress, or lack of sleep... everyone is in the same condition. So~ be energetic my frenz!! Otherwise, u cant fight with those theories, codings or calculations :)



Gambateh to all utarians :)


Ride bicycle at midnight n tis is wat i do when i'm really tension. =P




p/s: cant sleep...lying on the bed about 1.5 hours...i don like it...but wat i can do? =(